Journal of Submission

Jan 3^rd 2002                First real service of the new year.  i rework the phone systems again and work on painting the forth floor.  Mistress Tara has me painting the radiators and the baseboard.  Soon She is calling me jorge the Mexican painter and says good job on the radiators Jorge.

Afterward Mistress Tara and i have a long conversation about the future.  The future is good – it looks bright, to get there i need to make some fundamental changes in my life.  i tell Mistress Tara that these will be hard changes and that i will need to ask for help, Mistress Tara doesn’t disagree, i will take that as a qualified yes.  There seems to be a new level of trust between Mistress Tara and i. 

i’ve been feeling more playful with Mistress Tara lately, i’m not sure if its right to be playful (sometimes, under the right circumstances i guess it is), but it shows that i’m really beginning to open up to Her.  

Jan 7^th 2002                Mistress Tara told me today that i am a good slave for many reasons!  i am elated!

 i had been given permission to purchase a pair of high heel boots that might look nice with my secretarial outfit.  i did purchase them at Ann Taylor on sale for $70.00!  They look great.

Jan 8^th 2002                General work around the dungeon.  After working for about four hours, i was given some playtime with Mistress Charlize.  She wanted to practice Her flogging using two floggers. 

After some warm up time, Mistress Charlize began to wail on my upper back.  She asked if i could tell the difference between each hand.  Since She told me that She is left handed, the right hand was less accurate and had a lighter touch.  Soon i could not tell the difference.  She said my upper back was getting pretty red so She switched to my butt.  She warmed me up pretty quickly and began to wail on my butt. 

i don’t get too many beatings anymore.  It used to be a couple of times a week, so i’m a little out of practice.  Soon i got my breathing into the rhythm of the flogging and my pain tolerance went way up.  It would sure be nice if this happened on a regular basis.

Jan 9^th 2002                In line with Mistress Tara’s instructions, i got my back waxed again today.  i wasn’t terribly hairy, but She doesn’t like it, so off it comes.  The lady who did the waxing, was concerned about it hurting a lot.  i just tingles.

Jan 10^th 2002             Wearing a starched shirt to work today, my freshly waxed back feels cool against my shirt.  Sometimes it itches a little bit.  i really like the feeling that the waxing gives.

Its total body-cleansing day.  The usual ritual except that i feel totally clean with my back just waxed.  Feel really good.

With help from another slave, i moved the Mistresses lockers from the current dressing room to the new one.  Just like last time, it is huge work.  i get home late and very tired.

Jan 11^th 2002              It’s a coffee and Advil day.  My back is killing me from moving he lockers and i’m really tired.

During the course of the previous evening, Mistress Syren mentioned that She would be calling me four-tina, when i am dressed as a lady.  Tina is a pretty name, which would be nice if i were called that.

Jan 12^th 2002              At about midnight, i stopped by the dungeon fix a telephone.   My back still hurts.

Jan 13^th 2002              Since i had made myself available today i was going to the dungeon to work.  Dawn had told me that i was to do secretarial work, however Mistress Tara intervened from LA and had me paint the closets on the fourth floor.  Mistress Tara’s needs and desire always come first.

i’m actually wondering if this was a test.  i sense that is was. 

Jan 14^th 2002              According to my instructions, i tried to get in touch with Mistress Tara in LA but She was not available.

Jan 15^th 2002              Finished painting the closet and moved lots of heavy furniture.

Jan 16^th 2002              Another coffee and Advil day.  i’m tired as hell and my back is killing me.

With Mistress Tara in LA so much these days, i really miss Her.

Jan 18^th 2002              After an evening of general work around the dungeon.  i was offered some play time with Mistress Adriana and Mistress Zoë.

Before playtime started, Mistress Anna wanted to see me in my secretarial outfit.  i get dressed as quickly as possible and ask if she wants to see my boots.  Mistress Anna says ‘yes very much’

i’m wearing my girdle, long line bra and suit from Ann Taylor.  Still looks good.

Putting my new boots on, i unzip the left one and slip my foot in.  The feeling is different that regular shoes or high heels, it fits tight around the foot and ankle.  My left foot in the boot, i begin to zip.  The zipper is on the inside.  As i zip i feel the leather tighten around my ankle and calf.  It feels sensuous and cool.  i repeat for my right foot.

i’m completely dressed, but feel like i should be wearing a wig and makeup. 

So, completely dressed, i make my way to the office to show Mistress Anna.  i am given complements all around.  i am told that i look classy. 

Mistress Anna instructs my to wait in the Medical Room for Mistress Adriana and Mistress Zoë

Kneeling in the center of the Medical Room with my eyes down, Mistress Adriana and Mistress Zoë enter.  Mistress Adriana circles me and runs Her beautiful red fingernails through my hair.

Please stand 1407 Mistress Adriana says in a sultry yet commanding tone.  She complements me again on my outfit.  Standing in front of me, Mistress Adriana unbuttons three of the buttons of my blouse and looks at me.  She asks about a rape or abduction fantasy.

i have had rape and abduction fantasies for quite a while.

You know of course 1407, that we intend to do some very un-lady like things to you, Mistress Adriana states.

Yes Mistress Adriana, i am aware of that, my halting reply.

Please remove all of your clothes except the girdle, bra and breast forms 1407 and get into the whirlpool tub, Mistress Adriana says sternly.

In the tub, i am told to put legs over the edge of the tub.  Having done so, Mistress Zoë attaches ankle suspension cuffs securely to my ankles and then attaches each ankle to the suspension spreader bar.

i’ve had a small amount of suspension before, so i kind of know what is coming. 

As Mistress Zoë is securing the ankle suspension cuffs, Mistress Adriana secures wrist cuffs to each of my wrists.  My wrists are then secured to the spreader bar next to my ankles.  It is a very awkward position folded over like this. 

As i go into me breathing exercises, trying not to stress, Mistress Adriana climbs behind me to guide my head for my trip to the ceiling.

i begin to hear the sinister clicking of the suspension and feel the tension increase on my ankles and wrists.  The tension continues to increase as i am lifted up from the base of the whirlpool tub.

The clicking continues as i go higher and higher.

i relax and breathe deeply and evenly.  It’s really a very peaceful experience.  You have to simply give in and trust the person doing this to you.

After a little while, i hear the suspension squeal, as i am let down.

i am released from my bonds and allowed to get cleaned up and go home.

At home after my evening of work and some play, i phone Mistress Tara in LA.  i review the events of the evening and ask if i may call to check in over the weekend.

i am told in a stern way, “you may call and check in on Sunday, NOT before”.

Jan 22^nd2002 Just a normal night of work around the dungeon.  At the end of the evening i was offered some playtime.  Playtime tonight was to be with Mistress Seven and Mistress Mariah.

Mistress Seven was very interested in playing with my endorphins.  Endorphins are: any group of proteins with potent analgesic properties that occur naturally in the brain.  They are the body’s morphine.

Kneeling naked in the interrogation room with just my collar on, Mistress Seven had stand in the center of the room.  Mistress Seven started to flog me.  As the flogging got more intense, i focused on my breathing, going for the rhythm of the beating.  

When the beating began to get really intense, Mistress Seven stopped and ran her finger up the top part of the crack of my ass.  It tickled, REALLY TICKLED.  Next Mistress Mariah began to tickle me around my waist and under my arms – the usual spots.

As Mistress Mariah stood back, the beating started again.  Mistress Seven took me higher and higher into the “zone”.  The zone is a place i haven’t been for quite a while.  The zone is the place where i become really submissive and really high from pain. 

The beating stopped momentarily.

Mistress Seven came behind me and pressed Her body into mine.  She gave me nipples a couple of hard twists and stepped back.  It hurt a little, not nearly as much as if i were not in the zone.

The beating continued and i went higher into the “zone”.

As the flogging got really intense, Mistress Seven stepped back and said:

MERCY 1407?

No Ma’am my spaced out reply.

The beating continued for about another 10 minutes and i was told to get dressed.

As i dressed i thanked Mistress Seven and Mistress Mariah for the beating and taking me out into the zone.

Jan 24^th 2002              General work about the dungeon. 

i was told that i am to get involved with the web work.  To keep my portion of the site updated.

Jan 29^th     My work this evening was maids work.  The bathroom on the 4^th floor was really dirty and had to be cleaned.  After 2 hours of really good cleaning I moved on to get the visiting Mistress bedroom ready for Mistress Cheryl.  i made the bed and did a general cleaning of the room.

After the bedroom was clean, i unpacked Mistress Tara’s suit case and put away Her clothes.  A maid’s work is never done.

At the end of my work, i was offered play time with Mistress Syren, Mistress Mariah and a new Mistress.  It was really a new Mistress training session. 

Mistress Syren demonstrated english ball separation.  In doing so, i was instructed to get hard.  While i rubbed my penis, Mistress Syren, took a length of rope, put the ends together and made a loop.   The loop was put around my genitals and pulled slightly tight with the knot end at the bottom.  The opposite ends of the rope were wrapped back around my genitals and join again at the bottom.  The rope was then twisted and brought up between my balls (separating them tightly) and wrapped around my penis.  The rope was then wrapped around my penis for a neat tie off at the end, just at the head of my penis.

Mistress Syren demonstrated flicking Her finger on my balls.  It didn’t hurt until She got to a certain spot and WOW – i went through the ceiling in pain.

With my genitals tightly bound, nipple torture was demonstrated.  Mistress Mariah applied one steel nipple clamps to each of my breasts.  As each nipple clamp was applied, i felt a sharp squeeze, a sharp squeeze that really hurt.  Mistress Mariah could see this was really hurting so She flicked each one with Her finger, inflicting even more pain.

As the pain in my breasts grew, Mistress Syren pulled on the rope attached to my genitals.

After each tug on the rope, Mistress Mariah flicked each to the nipple clamps.  Back and forth then a tug for about 10 minutes.

Mistress Syren could see that the pain was becoming unbearable – so after one more tug on my genitals, She dropped the rope and released the nipple clamps.

i was told to clean up and be gone.

Jan 30^th     At the end of the evening, Mistress Tina Tyler initiated a conversation.  She and i shared the spiritual aspects of our experiences with S/M.  Many were very similar.  It can be a very spiritual experience for both the Mistress/Master and the slave when the right people are involved. 

In talking, i stated that my fetish is really weird and She replied, ‘it’s not weird at all – i totally get it.’  Very comforting and reassuring. 

Its now 2 ½ years that i have been serving Mistress Tara and i adore Her.  Over that time, there have been many ups and downs.  The ups in an S/M relationship can and have been totally euphoric, like the best high you could imagine.  The lows however, can and have been far deeper that any others i have experienced.  Those lows can be devastatingly difficult to climb out of.  There were many times that i didn’t think i could pick myself up and move forward again, but i did.  It truly makes vanilla life a lot easier.  Vanilla life becomes almost trivial.  You understand much more about what you personally are and what you bring to a vanilla relationship.

Many times when i feel low, writing in this journal has helped.

There has also been many times where i have examined whether i am wasting my life.  The answer has always been no.  This is something that is working for me.  It is not for everyone, this is a very difficult way to live my life.  It can be very rewarding at times.

Jan 31^st     Working on the 4^th floor, i cleaned and positions furniture.  Then i was summoned to Mistress Tara’s home.

Once safely inside Mistress Tara’s home, i greeted Mistress Tara with total respect by kissing Her feet. 

i was informed that i would work there when She is in town and be on loan to the dungeon for the times when She is in LA.  My duties while serving Mistress Tara in Her home would be purely domestic.  i would clean and straighten the household first and i would later be preparing meal.

As an orientation, i was told to clean the kitchen.  After some time i was told to finish up quickly and present myself.

After i was finished i presented my self.

Mistress Tara said,  “Present your ass!”.

Pulling down my pants and Victoria’s Secret panties, Mistress Tara told me that i was to be beaten.  i was to be beaten for my performance in painting the closet.

i had followed Mistress Tara’s instructions to the letter and not optimized the use of my time in service to Her.  For that i was to get 10 lashed with a cane.  Mistress Tara informed me that it wasn’t a punishment but really a cleansing.

Mistress Tara’s point was that i was to use my head and be efficient with what ever task i was assigned.  To do the best thing at the time.  The closet needed more sanding and i simply painted it.

After the 10 lashed with the cane, i was instructed to get dressed and go home.

Dressed and ready to go, i bid kissed Mistress Tara’s feet, bidding Her good night.