The Den of Iniquity

June 2nd 2001 Body cleansing day. i feel a pretty positive about things today. I'm scared of the reminder that is coming up and the marks from caning on Saturday are still there.

June 3rd 2001 Today my mount tastes like the silver paint. The caning marks are still there. One on the back of my knee just came up, really don't know why. Both knees still hurt a lot. i am really scared of the reminder that is coming tomorrow night.

June 4th 2001 Reminder day, I'm really scared, I'm gonna go in and take it ? i need a break.

I'm very clear that i have always done my very best there, so leave your sensitivity and your feelings at home and try to have some fun tonight.

So after enormous trepidation and concern about the reminder, i did Mistress Tara's laundry and put the electric chair back together.

i received 41 lashes with a cane from Mistress Fiona and Mistress Mei Ling, i had stated that i deserved 50. i got off easy. This will happen for the 4 Tuesdays running as punishment for the shelves.

The last reminder was so bad and so out of the blue that i over compensated for this. i really thought this was gonna be MUCH worse.

They were told to give me a safe word mercy and that if i used it, they had failed as Mistresses. Also they were told that i was to be treated like a human being not as a whipping post. Mistress Fiona said she would inform the other Mistresses.

June 9th 2001 i feel pretty good today. i really hope that things with Mistress Tara continue. i really want to be Mistress Tara's slave. The whole thing is a paradox.

June 11th 2001 Work in Mistress Tara's office, putting her lingerie and rubber away. General work around the dungeon. Move stuff around in room one. Mount a cross in room one and move stuff around in the CD room. Finished the chariot by touching up the paint and doing the upholstery.

Mistress Tara said the electric chair looked great and that is MUST be tested. That usually means on me.

At one point, while working in room one, Mistress Tara was watching me, i could see that Mistress Tara was trying to figure out what to do with me.

Mistress Tara has been having me work with her lingerie while not dressed. i think this is to get me more comfortable around women's clothes and to accept myself more.

Further discussion on topics started in Santa Monica needs to be held off until after June 28th when Mercury goes out of retrograde. On this topic, i plan to speak to her from my core. Honestly and openly, that is the only way She and i can move forward on this. Anything else would show disrespect to her and no self-respect.

i know that, since I've returned from LA, i am far more focused as a slave. This was a very good week in terms of my performance, behavior and demeanor.

While the trip to LA had its ups and downs, overall it was a really good experience in training; I'm a lot more focused on Mistress Tara. A very good experience for a slave.

June 16th 2001 One thing is for sure i will benefit greatly from this entire experience. I'm far clearer in my thinking and have a much better idea of what i really want and need.

After working in room 1 for a while, i had to move into the interrogation room and continue my work there. The door was shut; the AC is SO STRONG that it seemed that the door was locked. i was really scared that i was being isolated for a reason. i was REALLY scared that i would be left there over night, or there would be some major event that would cause me to exit the situation. i put myself through LOTS of head-trips, even hyperventilating at one point.

i was given time for a caning my Mistress Sonya. This was VERY different from anything i have experienced to date.

i could see out of the corner of my eye that Mistress Sonya looked GREAT, she was in a black dress with stockings and black heels, and her hair was up in a bun.

i was kneeling in the light, Mistress Sonya said do you know the phrase about screw the roses, send me the thorns

During the scene, Mistress Sonya beat me with the stem from a rose ? thorns and all. She said she hit me 150 times.

We went through this whole yoga thing about being a tiger and overcoming the people who have betrayed me over the years. It was extremely cathartic.

She had me focus my minds eye on the people who have betrayed me and as the tiger, leap over them, showing them that i did not deserve to be betrayed.

This was originally referred to as punishment; i found it to be a gift from someone who i share a good rapport. At the end of the time i felt calm and peaceful.

i asked why she picked that as a theme; her response was I could see it in your soul. Thank you Mistress Sonya! Thank You.

June 26th 2001 I'm sleeping in my corset on a very regular basis these days, my body has changed. My waist is different. i slept with it laced pretty tight last night. i didn't sleep well, but i got some sleep.