Journal of Submission

May 5th 2001 Total body cleansing day. 

The sensation of no hair on my back is weird, definitely feel more naked. Felt super clean today.

i feel a lot more centered today than in recent days, probably sleep and exercise, plus getting some emotional pieces of shit out.

General dungeon work, some errands and repair/installation work. No play.

May 7th 2001 My feelings about cross-dressing are all but dead, they have pretty much withered on the vine. i had so much energy for that at one time, its just gone now. It seems like such a waste. It was just thrown away and i had no input. Just really frustrated.

But i do want it back, it was a place a comfort for me in a very uncomfortable place in a very uncomfortable world. Clearly i take some comfort in dressing up.

Work in the dungeon was in fact satisfying. i fixed the shower door, uncoupled the radiator and worked on the phone system. Also cleaned the ladies room.

In speaking with Mistress Tara by telephone in Los Angeles, Mistress Tara instructed me to start wearing panties while i work. The panties are to be simple, white made of cotton or nylon. Its a start. 

May 8th 2001 Went to Victoria's Secret in to get panties. i was a little nervous; its been awhile since i go lingerie for myself. i think the lady who waited on me knew they were for me, no wedding ring, no gift-wrap, i was a little nervous It had been a really long time since i had bought women's clothes, i used to be almost bold about it, but I've lost so much confidence in that area.

May 12th 2001 Total body Cleansing day! Got some sleep last night, feel pretty good. Work in the dungeon. No play, feel pretty good.

My cross-dressing is not dead, just so deep in hibernation that i can barley feel it. i really do miss it.

Going to LA with Mistress Tara, i am suppose to take the contents of my locker! i am allowed to get a new dark skirt that is lighter weight, i took my girdle and long line bra with me so i can get a good fit.

May 13th 2001 Have a special appointment at Ann Taylor. i went to the mall with my girdle, long line bra and stocking on underneath my work clothes. It was pretty erotic work walking around the mall. i wanted to shop for more stuff but that would have been pushing it.

i got a great black rayon slim skirt. Melissa was really nice. She really accepted me and helped me make things look good. i will certainly go back to fill out my wardrobe as things change for me.

May 14th 2001 After running errands and general work in the dungeon, i was summoned to the Medical Room for play.

Mistress Tara, Mistress Fiona, Mistress Syren and Mistress Cassandra were all in attendance.

i was told to dress in a hospital gown. i started getting hard, but with all the talk about hospitals and cutting stuff off, i got a little nervous.

The first order of business was a catheterization, i couldn't get hard, just too much pressure with everyone watching me. Even with Mistress Tara running her finger nails up and down my legs it just wouldn't work.

Then it was off to try a new lube called J-Lube.

Mistress Tara got her entire hand inside me! She went way past the knuckles and was in up to her wrist. She seemed pretty tickled with the whole thing. It was very tight, with some pain. It wasn't really pain, it just hurt a little with some jabs of pain. It was more a general discomfort. 

Over all, it felt great! I'm really happy she got all the way inside me and it was really nice to have some playtime with Mistress Tara.

In the twisting and turning that Mistress Tara did with her hand, the new lube never heated up. The old stuff, KY and the like, got hot and really uncomfortable.

There were pictures taken of Mistress Tara doing Her work. Several showed her deeply in my ass. One picture showed that Mistress Tara was having a really good time.

It worked out that it was easier for Mistress Tara to go deeper if i kept my legs up and together. 

Over all this was really erotic and really fun.

Mistress Tara did complain about me not being totally clean, i did all the usual stuff, it just didn't work as well. Maybe I've gotten a little out of practice.

May 15th 2001 Today I'm a not very sore and not too swollen. i thought i would be a lot more of both. Feel pretty good overall.

May 20th 2001Back from vacation, and ready for LA with Mistress Tara! I'm rested, toned, my butt feels great after the fisting and I'm ready.

May 21st 2001 Got to the dungeon at about 4pm. Finished packing for Mistress Tara and we were off for the airport, we made the plane by about 15 minutes. Travel late, found the hotel, unpacked Mistress Tara and it was off to bed.

May 22nd 2001 Dinner with Mistress Tara and Mistress Cheryl. i was told that i was good at dinner for knowing my place. i kept my mouth shut all night.

May 23rd 2001 Photo shoot for Mistress Tara. Dinner in Santa Monica. Mistress Tara and i talked extensively about new responsibilities and their possible implications. It really scared me. 3 hrs kneeling on concrete.

Accompanied Mistress Tara to a casting calls, one at playboy and a meeting in Van Nuys. 

Toward the end of dinner with Mistress Tara and Mistress Cheryl, i was told to piss in my glass and a cocktail was made up for me. i drank it, it tasted horrible. It included my urine, salt, pepper, sweet and lo and some other stuff. i was being tested for obedience. It was really pretty funny. Mistress Tara made a point of saying that we are laughing with you, not at you. i thanked her for that.

Visited a plastic surgeon in Van Nuys. 

May 24th 2001 Started the day off with shaving Mistress Tara's legs. Visited a dental surgeon and went to Fredrick's of Hollywood. Got horribly lost on the way back. She and i did have an interesting discussion about my fetishes. i found out that I'm less submissive when I'm dressed that when I'm not dressed. i was not aware of that.

i was really scared of shaving Mistress Tara's legs, i have always wanted to do that. i was scared that i would do it wrong, that is the closest i have been to her.

May 25th 2001 Los Angeles, Calif.

Mistress Tara: Slave 1407 screwed up!

Slave 1407 gets punished for getting lost.

Los Angeles, Calif. - Slave 1407 gets caned 71 times and urinated on for getting horribly lost in Los Angeles, California.

In the morning, i helped Mistress Tara, prepare for Her day. i started off by running a very hot bath and helping Mistress Tara shave Her legs again. Got 20 lashes with the cane for getting so lost last night. i drove Mistress Tara around LA running errands. Next i drove Mistress Tara and Mistress Cheryl to a beautiful house in Laurel Canyon to see a private dungeon. i was not allowed to see the dungeon however. i have no clue as to why i was not allowed to see the dungeon.

i was offered pizza for lunch. i had to eat it on my hands and knees like a dog. i spent two hours kneeling on concrete. 

For getting so incredibly lost, i got 51 more lashes with the cane as punishment. Mistress Tara made sure my ass was an even shade of red.

With every strike of the cane, i could feel the sting go deeper and deeper. There were specific places that Mistress Tara must have hit 10 or more times.

i really tried to breath in rhythm the cane, but the it stung so much, some times, that i could barley count them let alone take care of my breathing. In all, i got 71 lashes with cane today, that is far more than i have ever had in one day.  

Next, it was time to drink Mistress Tara's and Mistress Cheryl's urine.  Lying directly under Mistress Cheryl with my mouth wide open, I felt the warm trickle of urine flow slowly into my mouth. 

At first it was just a few drops, then a steady stream followed by a river of golden urine was flowing into my mouth.

I drank as fast as I could but the golden liquor ran all over my face and into my eyes to totally drench me.

Mistress Cheryl’s urine had a sweet but somewhat pungent taste, just wonderful.

As the river ran back to a trickle and then just drops, Mistress Tara said, “Very good Mistress Cheryl, do You think he has had enough?”

“No I think he is still very thirsty, in fact I be he can drink every thing You have in you Mistress Tara”, Mistress Cheryl said.

Knowing what was coming next, I moved my body directly underneath Mistress Tara. I felt the warm glow of Mistress Tara’s urine begin to drip on my face.

There was no build up; suddenly a river of Mistress Tara’s precious urine was streaming at me. I drank and drank; it flowed over my face and onto the floor. It went into my eyes and all over chest.

Mistress Tara’s urine tested salty and slightly tart, even better than Mistress Cheryl’s.

Looking happy and satisfied with the evenings training, Mistress Tara retired to a chair across the room and ordered -“Clean up that bathroom 1407! NOW”

“Yes Mistress Tara”, I reply as I scurry off the bathroom.

Completely covered in urine, i went to take a shower. Cleaner, i packed Mistress Tara's things and went to bed with a very sore ass. i felt great!

May 26th 2001 The next morning, i finished packing Mistress Tara and drove Her up to Ventura county for a shoot.

During the shoot i was required to kneel for 4 hrs of on concrete. IT HURT LIKE HELL! i really tried to zone into the pain but could not get to a point where i could just deal with it. I almost passed out at least three times. Heading to the airport, Mistress Tara and i made the plane with 2 minutes to spare.

May 27th 2001After flying all night, i arrived at the dungeon at about 10am. i brought stuff Mistress Tara's things upstairs and went home to sleep for the day. My left knee was very swollen.

May 28th 2001 It was a great trip with Mistress Tara. It is very clear the She and i are not friends and its ok i guess. i am owned, that is a very good thing am told, that will take some getting used to. i'm learning discipline and obedience in a clear and serious way.

i was told that my efforts are appreciated; its probably because Mistress Sonya quit in a fury earlier in the evening, and so people are now thinking about it. It really doesn't matter, its 5 full months now since my cross-dressing was in effect in any way, I'm frustrated, calloused in my soul and am not getting fulfilled. i need to look more into myself for that and that alone may pull me away from Mistress Tara.

Left knee really hurts from the kneeling.