Journal of Submission

Sept 2nd 2000 30 min harness training while at the dungeon. The dungeon was jumping, i couldn't move around at all. Very little got done. Its not going to be good.

Sept 4th 2000 Body Cleansing Day again. Secretarial training started. Dressed in just lingerie, i began an inventory of the dungeon. 19 pages so far. Had excellent playtime with Mistress Alexandra and Mistress ????. 30 min of harness training.

Sept 9th 2000 An unexpected day! i had committed to working with Mistress Tara to get sound booth move started and stayed with Her for the rest of the day. i provided chauffeur services all day. She and i shared two meals, dinner was at Coco Pazzo, really good. Dinner was really funny, Mistress Tara was out working an issue for a friend - trying to get him a date. All in all i was privileged to spend 12 hrs with the wonderful Mistress Tara!

At the end of the day, i received a good caning. It hurt, i haven't had too many of these lately. By the time i got back home the marks were 95% gone.

A great day! i learned how to be myself and interact with Mistress Tara in normal life, by myself and very submissive to Her!

Sept 11th 2000 Photo night! 

First i was dressed in black lingerie.

Many photos were taken that night. First i was used as human furniture.

Next i was strapped to the bondage bench and a strap on was used on me by Mistress Alexandra. Mistress Alexandra was very gentle with Her fingers, then She used a strap on me. The strap on hurt, it felt like it was going in at the wrong angle. The first push was hard and hurt but wow was it exciting. Got the big event on film!

The first time i've had a strap on in me! 

Next was my maids uniform, i was secured to the spanking bench and my ass was warmed up big time by Mistress Tara and Mistress Salome. Photos were taken worshiping Mistress Salome's wonderful boots. Overall a great night.

Sept 16th 2000 Work at the new office pulling up the floor. Really hard work, Mistress Tara seemed to enjoy watching me hurt my self. Really sore at the end of the night.

Sept 18th 2000 The maid cleaned Mistress Tara's office. The maid packed most of Mistress Tara's shoes for moving and did general cleaning and straightening of the office. Overall a very good day.

Sept 23rd 2000 Total cleansing today. The night started off fine except for a misplaced sigh while i was on the phone with Mistress Tara. i got a small caning for this. The maid was packing Mistress Tara's office and the CD room. i went to pick Mistress Tara up from getting Her hair done and She and i went for a nice drive. Good conversation, She seems to enjoy driving around NYC with me. More sighs during the drive. Things really broke down when i went for ice cream for Mistress Tara. i screwed up! i got the wrong ice cream and told Her i'm tired. i paid the price! In front of Her home i was told to get into the back seat for a spanking and i got quite a spanking. It was very humiliating, my first public experience.

i had no right to do this, is slipped out of role, i had no right to do this to Mistress Tara. Returning home, i'm pretty upset.

Sept 24th 2000 Good day. Went to Frishmans in the Bronx to get an open bottom girdle, long line bra and stockings. Then i went to shop at Ann Taylor and Victoria's Secret. Got the whole secretary  outfit.

Sept 25th 2000

1407 Gets his first reminder!

The brutality of S/M has finally found me. i got a reminder from Mistress Tara. i knew it was coming, but it was a total surprise.

The reminder was for becoming too familiar with the Mistresses in the lounge and not being quick enough to avert my eyes in some situations. Also, Mistress Fiona complained about seeing my genitals. Mistress Tara tied my genitals back so tight that i could barley walk, this was extreme pain.

i got a good beating from 7 Mistresses. my penis was struck 3 times. Hitting my penis sent me through the roof - It hurt like hell. One hit sent shock and pain throughout my entire body.

The first time was unbelievably painful. Someone drew blood. Its not the beating that bothers me, that's just part of S/M. Maybe this is the mental part of S/M, those words really hurt.

After a while, the pain from my genitals being tied back felt was so intense - it felt like they were being physically ripped of.

Mistress Tara was very kind in asking if i'm ok, actually i'm not. i'm really upset. Mistress Tara did say something to the effect of, now you have a little more understanding of the ladies in the back. Yes i do. i do this to serve Mistress Tara.

At the end of the night, i called Mistress Tara to thank her for Her firm hand and her kind words about my new outfit. She said she was very pleased with my new look.

S/M can be quite brutal! i feel beat up. Right now, i feel pretty alone in the world.

i feel shredded, this is going to take a while to get past.

Sept 26th 2000 Didn't sleep last night, i'm still pretty upset. i feel pretty beat up. My butt isn't too bad, but there are 2 big welts on my legs.

Sept 30th 2000 Body cleansing day. Two welts, one on each leg. Pretty upset, but its beginning to pass. Good night, finished packing Mistress Tara's office. Stayed the night, 1 hr sleep maybe. It did give me time to look back and take stock of where i am. Overall its a good thing for me to do at this point in my life. i really adore Mistress Tara, i just wish i could spend a little more time with her. i'm not going anywhere.